M6 :)

Hey everyone :)
This week I'm blogging about psychological disorders and how they have affected people and even the ones who are very close to me. So I interviewed two people who just happened to be a close friend and my grandfather. So y'all are probably wondering why I chose them and its specifically for the reason that they both have suffered and still currently struggling with substance abuse. Now when I asked them separately if they'd let me record or video this, they were highly against it and my friend wants their name disclosed for personal reasonings. So hope y'all can bare with me here :)

So my first interview was with my grandfather. He's the dad to my dad and actually quite wonderful. Well I found about a couple of years ago that he actually was an alcoholic. When I was told this, I was completely shocked and couldn't even imagine it. Now since we are doing psychological disorders this week, I decided to give him a call. So after awhile of us catching up, I finally cut to the chase and laid it on him. I asked him what it was like to be an alcoholic and how did he know. He told me he had no idea that he was one until he knew. Now of course that doesn't make sense, but to him it did. He told me about how he's worked in the banking business long before I was born. He and a couple of his buddies would drink on the job but not too much. Then after work, when he told me he had felt pretty good, he'd go to the bar. Drink and drink until it was supper time, he would sit there. Sometimes he said he'd drink through dinner and leave my grandmother worried sick, but he said he knew he was fine and could easily drive home. Which in fact, he did. He told me he kept this up for at least 15-20 years. My grandmother hated it is what he said. She would eventually just give up and not even think to stay up and wait for him anymore. He told me that when she didn't wait up for him that he'd come in drunk and find even more alcohol in the house and drink it until he passed out. She put up with this for that long and he told me the reason why he decided to get help. He told me this, "It wasn't because of grandma, or your dad, or your uncles, but because of your mother I went to rehab". My first thought when he said that was why, why did she change your mind? I asked him that too and he said it was because she told him that if he kept it up, he'd never meet his first granddaughter. He told me that in that moment he knew he was an alcoholic and that he needed help because having the relationship with me was for more important than anything else. Which honestly made me cry so kinda glad I didn't record this because y'all would see me bawling ;)
Anyways, after all of that, I asked him how rehab helped him and how he is coping with being an alcoholic now. He goes, "Have you ever realized that when we eat supper, I always have a glass of milk?" I instantly thought back to every meal I've had with them and saw the glass of milk there. "It's the one drink at dinner that doesn't remind me of the alcohol." Hearing him say that, I knew it hurt. I could hear it in his voice that he is not hurting because he misses it, but hurting because it reminds him of how he hurt others while doing it.  He told me that living as an alcoholic was hard at first, but overcoming it was easily one of the best decisions he's ever made.

Now the second interview was over my close friend and since they don't want their name, I'll call them Matt. I met Matt earlier this school year and instantly he spilled out everything. He told me everything about his life and how he grew up, but I never knew how he was holding it together, little did I know, he really wasn't. I knew I could interview him because of everything he had told me before, so I asked him to sit with me and talk. I began to ask him how he knew he was addicted and what was hard. He told me that he began drinking and doing drugs around the age of seven, which is really young for starters. He felt ashamed when he told me that, but proceeded to tell me that that was all he knew. He was thrown into those types of households and situations until he was about 14. Doing drugs and drinking was normal to him. He told me it became and every day, multiple times a day sort of thing. Putting alcohol in drinks so that teachers could not tell just to get through the school day or crushing pills to mix into drinks to get by. "Anything that would make me feel good was what I wanted." When he said that, it made me realize that not everyone is such a happy person. He told me it followed him all the way to college. He said blacking out at the next party was the goal. I asked him when he realized he was an addict and this made his face turn completely soft, but blank. Matt said "I realized I was an addict when I felt like I was dying from drinking and taking too much." I asked him how and he said "I was scared that I'd never see my mom again and realized that doing these things was not what I really wanted." He told me that he found someone that began to help him, a girl in fact that helped him handle his situations. He said he wanted to go to church and figure out how to actually become apart of something that was bigger and better than those things behind him. He knew that living for his mom was worth so much more than taking pills or drinking. He told me he now goes to church and is trying to build a relationship with God and giving up those things was the best.

After interviewing both of them, I realized that there are so many people that are affected by the same things such as substance abuse. Knowing that my grandfather wasn't the only one or my friend was kind of eye opening in a way. Of course I figured that they weren't the only ones struggling, but hearing their stories really spoke to my heart. It also kind of makes me more careful to not get into those types of things and be more aware of what's going on around me.

xoxo, court :)