M7 :)

Hey guys :)
For this task blog I did the 3 good things over a period of 7 days. So basically at the end of each day, I wrote down 3 good things that happened to me or around me and I'll talk about why I think those certain things happened and how it made me feel. I also took some pictures every couple of days of the good things that happened to me.

Day 1   04/18/18
Today is my first day writing my three good things that happened during the day.
1. My suite mate bought me ice-cream which I thought was super sweet and I think she did that out of love and just out of the kindness of her heart
2. Dr. Selveraj sent us out a little morning thing through canvas just hoping for us to have a beautiful day which really made me smile. I think she did that since like we are starting this whole positive psychology and she wanted to show us some positivity :)
3. I slept and woke up very energized this morning and it made my day feel a little better than usual, I think it happened just so that I would enjoy the day a little more.

Day 2  04/19/18
1. I had a great talk with my friend and he really helped me. I think he did this because of the way he cares for me and my well-being
2. I hung out with my boyfriend which always puts me in a great mood so I think that happened just because it's my boyfriend and I always see him.
3. I got to go and babysit my favorite little kiddos which was so relieving. I think this happened because God knew I needed a break from everything.

Day 3  04/20/18
1. I woke up fully energized which was awesome so I definitely felt blessed by that and I think the reason being is because it was Friday
2. I didn't stress about homework at all which was a relief and I think that was because it was Friday too

this is ace or acey baby or acers
 and he's the sweetest most goodest boy
ever and this is him with his snow cone :)

3. I got to spend the entire rest of the day and night with my boyfriend which was so nice and I think that happened just because again it was Friday :)

Day 4  04/21/18
1. I got to sleep in and this was the best thing ever and I think that happened just because why not
2. I got to witness a double rainbow which was so cool and that obviously happened because of the rain
3. I got to just spend the day with one of my best friend's doggos and I absolutely loved it. Ace is freakin the cutest and my boyfriend and I got snow cones and shared with him :)

Day 5  04/22/18
1. I talked to my mom on the phone for a good while which was super great and I think that really help my stress and anxiety kind of calm down for awhile just because she knows how I am and how I get
2. I went to bed at SUCH an early time aka 9pm. yeah guys that was some great sleep so that happened because it was much needed and much appreciated
3. my boyfriend bought me dinner and probably because he likes me or somethin ;)

Day 6  04/23/18
1. I actually understood trig today which was awesome - I normally do understand but today was something different and it all just came to me
2. I figured out where I'm going this incoming fall semester so new things and new adventures so that was a huge relief on my part
3. Our hall had free canes so duh awesome day because free food and that just rocked

Day 7  04/24/18
1. So today was the first day all of freshman year that I didn't have an 8am so hallelujah that was super great
2. I got to catch up on watching my shows on netflix because no more chemistry homework which was very relaxing
3. I cleaned my room which I really enjoyed because that was a disasterrrr :)



So after sitting here and really thinking about how great my days were and what the best parts about them were really made me sit here and think about how happy I actually am. Recently, I haven't felt like myself and felt kind of not fully present and once writing about these and seeing the fullness to each day, it made me see the good and realize that everything around me is temporary. I actually really enjoyed the blog and I hope y'all did too :)



xoxo, court ;)

M6 :)

Hey everyone :)
This week I'm blogging about psychological disorders and how they have affected people and even the ones who are very close to me. So I interviewed two people who just happened to be a close friend and my grandfather. So y'all are probably wondering why I chose them and its specifically for the reason that they both have suffered and still currently struggling with substance abuse. Now when I asked them separately if they'd let me record or video this, they were highly against it and my friend wants their name disclosed for personal reasonings. So hope y'all can bare with me here :)

So my first interview was with my grandfather. He's the dad to my dad and actually quite wonderful. Well I found about a couple of years ago that he actually was an alcoholic. When I was told this, I was completely shocked and couldn't even imagine it. Now since we are doing psychological disorders this week, I decided to give him a call. So after awhile of us catching up, I finally cut to the chase and laid it on him. I asked him what it was like to be an alcoholic and how did he know. He told me he had no idea that he was one until he knew. Now of course that doesn't make sense, but to him it did. He told me about how he's worked in the banking business long before I was born. He and a couple of his buddies would drink on the job but not too much. Then after work, when he told me he had felt pretty good, he'd go to the bar. Drink and drink until it was supper time, he would sit there. Sometimes he said he'd drink through dinner and leave my grandmother worried sick, but he said he knew he was fine and could easily drive home. Which in fact, he did. He told me he kept this up for at least 15-20 years. My grandmother hated it is what he said. She would eventually just give up and not even think to stay up and wait for him anymore. He told me that when she didn't wait up for him that he'd come in drunk and find even more alcohol in the house and drink it until he passed out. She put up with this for that long and he told me the reason why he decided to get help. He told me this, "It wasn't because of grandma, or your dad, or your uncles, but because of your mother I went to rehab". My first thought when he said that was why, why did she change your mind? I asked him that too and he said it was because she told him that if he kept it up, he'd never meet his first granddaughter. He told me that in that moment he knew he was an alcoholic and that he needed help because having the relationship with me was for more important than anything else. Which honestly made me cry so kinda glad I didn't record this because y'all would see me bawling ;)
Anyways, after all of that, I asked him how rehab helped him and how he is coping with being an alcoholic now. He goes, "Have you ever realized that when we eat supper, I always have a glass of milk?" I instantly thought back to every meal I've had with them and saw the glass of milk there. "It's the one drink at dinner that doesn't remind me of the alcohol." Hearing him say that, I knew it hurt. I could hear it in his voice that he is not hurting because he misses it, but hurting because it reminds him of how he hurt others while doing it.  He told me that living as an alcoholic was hard at first, but overcoming it was easily one of the best decisions he's ever made.

Now the second interview was over my close friend and since they don't want their name, I'll call them Matt. I met Matt earlier this school year and instantly he spilled out everything. He told me everything about his life and how he grew up, but I never knew how he was holding it together, little did I know, he really wasn't. I knew I could interview him because of everything he had told me before, so I asked him to sit with me and talk. I began to ask him how he knew he was addicted and what was hard. He told me that he began drinking and doing drugs around the age of seven, which is really young for starters. He felt ashamed when he told me that, but proceeded to tell me that that was all he knew. He was thrown into those types of households and situations until he was about 14. Doing drugs and drinking was normal to him. He told me it became and every day, multiple times a day sort of thing. Putting alcohol in drinks so that teachers could not tell just to get through the school day or crushing pills to mix into drinks to get by. "Anything that would make me feel good was what I wanted." When he said that, it made me realize that not everyone is such a happy person. He told me it followed him all the way to college. He said blacking out at the next party was the goal. I asked him when he realized he was an addict and this made his face turn completely soft, but blank. Matt said "I realized I was an addict when I felt like I was dying from drinking and taking too much." I asked him how and he said "I was scared that I'd never see my mom again and realized that doing these things was not what I really wanted." He told me that he found someone that began to help him, a girl in fact that helped him handle his situations. He said he wanted to go to church and figure out how to actually become apart of something that was bigger and better than those things behind him. He knew that living for his mom was worth so much more than taking pills or drinking. He told me he now goes to church and is trying to build a relationship with God and giving up those things was the best.

After interviewing both of them, I realized that there are so many people that are affected by the same things such as substance abuse. Knowing that my grandfather wasn't the only one or my friend was kind of eye opening in a way. Of course I figured that they weren't the only ones struggling, but hearing their stories really spoke to my heart. It also kind of makes me more careful to not get into those types of things and be more aware of what's going on around me.

xoxo, court :)

M5 :)

Hey guys :)
So this week I have a new blog over something really close to my heart and I hope maybe it'll speak to y'all. It is over a very close friend of mine, but for personal reasonings we are going to call this person Janie. Let me start with some background on good ole Janie.

So Janie grew up in a household of her parents and two other siblings. Now her home life experience was not the greatest and it made her childhood rough. She grew up in a bad area in a big city where lots of things happened that not little children should see. She went to school like everyone else and learned, but no one seemed to notice the bruises or welts. No one could see them... She hated going home and it made it hard for her to grow up in that household. Being the oldest, she took the hits for her siblings.

At first Janie thought she had done something wrong and she was upset by it... Though it seemed to happen all the time and she eventually got use to it. She knew when it was time for another lick. By the age of 13, Janie was in middle school and she found it really easy to bully kids. She felt as though if she could show others how she was feeling by hurting them, they would know to help her and see that she had it bad too. That was not the case. She found herself in lots of trouble in school, which in return made it even worse at home.

Janie eventually became depressed. She felt as though she had turned off her emotions for good.  She didn't know how to love or how to be loved. Her siblings were too young to even know what was happening, let alone her parents didn't care. She felt so alone in the world that doing drugs and drinking were her only escape and her only way to actually feel something. Dating boys in high school was rough. She didn't know what it was like to not get hit so she found herself in every abusive relationship possible...

Now you're probably wondering how the heck no one knows or where Janie's friends were and the answer to those questions is this. Janie did not tell anyone. She had girlfriends that she would hangout with and laugh with, but no one knew it was all a show... Not to get y'all lost, Janie eventually got old enough to stick up for herself and was not hit anymore by about age 14, but that damage did her good. Also with dating those boys throughout high school, she still did not know what love was and she eventually thought it out that she'd be alone the rest of her life.

When high school ended, Janie was so ready to leave and go to college. Finally just get out of her house and start back up on her old ways, or at least thats what she thought. Her first semester, she went out at least three times a week to just completely messed up. She just wanted to feel something because love was not an option for her. Drugs were for sure her go to when she was upset. She was so caught up in drugs, she didn't even realize what was going on around her.

It was second semester that opened her eyes. She was going through the motions of first semester as soon as she got back, but something caught her eye for the first time in a long time. A boy. A warm-hearted, Jesus loving boy that was ready to love a girl like no other. Now Janie didn't know that when she saw him, but she soon found out. This boy went out of his way to show Janie what it meant to be loved. He asked her to church and Janie had no desire to go, but since it was just another boy to her at the time, she said sure.

Janie experienced church for the first time with an open heart and felt the love of our Lord. This boy opened her to this mind-boggling figure. Janie finally felt without the drugs. She realized what it was like to actually be full. The power of Jesus Christ had fulfilled her. She decided that day that she was going to accept the Lord into her heart and move on from the drugs.

That boy that happened to be at the right place at the right time saved Janie and I honestly have no clue where that girl would be without him. Janie is now married with two kids and living her best life with that boy that showed her Jesus and for that I am forever grateful.



xoxo, court ;)



#psychstory